


Triggers

by LittleSweetCheeks



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Gen, Panic Attack, Prompt Fill, Support, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: Normally they know exactly what will trigger their boss to have a panic attack and they all take great strides to prevent it, but this time they didn't see it coming and have no idea what caused it.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

“I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been in there.” Jay laughed, sipping his drink. “He walked right into it and she served him up.”

“Yes, well, that was the plan all along I do believe.” Nadine admitted. They were all enjoying the evening at a dinner in Sweden. Her eyes took in the room. “Have you seen Matt recently?”

Jay smirked and shook his head. “No and I’m not about to go looking for him.”

It was her turn to chuckle. “I’m pretty sure the other two have snuck off as well, honestly.” She looked him over. “So, why are you still here?”

He shrugged. “I know better.”

She scoffed and started to remind him of his various dalliances when the sound of shouting made her whip around. “What the hell?” She asked it under her breath.

Jay took another sip of his drink. “She sounds pissed.” His eyes sought out their boss on the far end of the room.

Nadine rushed to set her glass down. “That’s not angry, Jay…” She was already on the move as Jay finally spotted who he was looking for and followed after. “That’s panicked.”

Shoving through the growing crowd, Jay couldn’t help but see the growing attention the small group at the other end of the room was quickly getting. Conversations were cutting off as heads turned and people stood or started to move closer. “It’s like their watching a car wreck.” He whispered, dodging between chairs, and cutting a path they could both get through.

“I suppose they are.” Three more strides and Nadine risked looking his way. “You get her out, I’ll handle clearing the air.”

“Right.” He caught his boss by the arm, stopping her tirade mid-word and drawing her attention to his face as she gasped. “Ma’am.”

“Jay.” Her eyes were unfocused. “I’m- I need-”

“Let’s go.” He pulled her away from the two attendees she’d been talking to. Once they were several strides away, he wrapped an arm around her, keeping hold of both arms, partly to block too much of the attention of the other attendees.

Stepping into the vacated spot, Nadine addressed the men. “I’m so sorry. The Secretary has had a lot on her mind recently and can be deeply passionate about topics she feels are of utmost importance.” She had no idea who the men were or what had been said, so she had no clue where to even begin with covering this over.

“She wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. Is she feeling alright?” The taller man asked.

Nadine jumped on that excuse like it was a lifeline. “You know, she travels a large part of the year and is around so many people, it’s common for a small illness to crop up now and then. I really do apologize, Sir.”

He nodded. “I suppose it is understandable.”

“Thank you.” They appeared appeased, so she turned and drew a fortifying breath, hoping to find the rest of the team and figure out what the hell had gone so wrong.

The dinner happened to be in two adjoining ballrooms of the hotel they were staying in, so Nadine assumed Jay had taking the Secretary upstairs. Heading for the elevators, she pulled out her phone to try and start calling and interrupting everyone’s evenings. Passing the hotel bar, the sight of a formal gown made her pause and back up. Daisy was seated with a man Nadine didn’t recognize. She crossed the floor. “Daisy.”

“Oh. Hey Nadine.” She sounded less than thrilled to see Nadine walking her way.

“We have a situation. I’m sorry to interrupt your evening.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Hell if I know but the Secretary blew up at two attendees.”

“Who?” Daisy stood from the barstool.

“I don’t even know who they were.” She shook her head. “I’m assuming Jay took her upstairs, but I can’t think of a single thing that would’ve caused her to upset that easily.”

She leaned in to lower her voice. “Wait, by upset you mean…”

Nadine sighed, wishing the anxious energy would abate. “Yes.”

“Oh, god. She’s… is she okay?”

“I have no idea.”

Daisy turned back to her date. “I’m sorry. I have to go. It was- It was good talking to you.”

“Yeah.” He turned back to his drink as they turned away.

“So, the others are upstairs?” Daisy asked as they made it to the bank of elevators.

“Only Jay was in the ballroom. I have no idea where the other two are.” She watched as Daisy began dialing her own phone.

“Matt!” Daisy jumped right in. “We have a situation so put your clothes back on and get your ass back to the suite.” She made a noise in the back of her throat. “You’ll live, Dude, this is more important than getting laid.” After two more beats, she hung up. “One down. Pretty sure he was with the Italian aide he was ogling all day.”

Nadine smirked despite the moment. “He’ll live.” She tried Blake’s number, listening as it went through to voicemail.

“I dunno, he was whining pretty hard about it.” Daisy chuckled and shook her head, enjoying his plight until the doors slid open on the right floor. Her face fell. “Let’s see how bad this is and how it even started.”

“You go see if Jay got her up here.” They turned a corner and she paused. “Or just ask.” She led the way to Matt and Tim standing at the door. “Did Jay and the Secretary come back?”

Matt was wearing a deep frown. “Yes. She didn’t look so good.”

“I know.” She sighed. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen Blake at all?”

“No, Ma’am.” His eyes drifted to the room across the hall. “I suspect he is in his room however.”

Rolling her eyes, Nadine watched Daisy step in the suite before crossing to knock on Blake’s door. There was no answer, so she turned her hand and pounded hard, hoping to draw his attention by at least irritating him. “Blake! I need you out here immediately!” She waited a count of five and started to pound on the door again, only stopping when the door whipped open, revealing Blake wrapped in nothing but a towel and a male voice speaking from the bed.

“What the hell, Nadine?!”

“I don’t know why, but while you were up here breaking one of my rules, the Secretary was having a panic attack downstairs and caused a scene shouting at someone.” She frowned at him.

Blake groaned, leaning forward to thump his head against the frame. “Okay. Let me get dressed. Her pills are in the-”

“Front pocket of her rolling bag, I know. Jay and Daisy are with her, they’ve probably already gotten them.”

The door swung shut before not before she heard him mutter under his breath. “My job is the biggest cockblock ever.”

Nadine let herself into the suite and assessed the status of the situation. Daisy and Jay were either side of the Secretary on one of the couches doing their best to calm her down. “How’s it going?”

Daisy looked up, eyes tracking to the orange bottle before coming back to her. “Slow.”

“Of course.” None of they would be getting much sleep tonight. “Why don’t you go change into something comfortable.”

“Sure.” Daisy stood, relinquishing her spot, and slipping out.

They had a system for preventing this and they all worked hard to keep an eye out. Nadine couldn’t figure out what they had missed tonight. Each trip followed a set checklist of things to do that started days even before they departed; schedules were lightened, food and playlists were updated, global news was monitored for activity that could come up in conversation. Once they were airborne, the entire team silently worked together to keep the mood relaxed and light.

“Nadine.” Jay whispered.

She shifted her attention to him, he had one hand rubbing small circles on the Secretary’s back. “Hm?”

“This is…” He shook his head, eyes wide. It said plenty. The was bad, worrying, upsetting, for all of them even.

The door opened and Matt cautiously stepped in, already changed into comfortable clothes, and bearing what appeared to be half of a vending machine. “I’m here.” He quietly announced as Jay stood.

“I’m going to go change.” Jay whispered back, patting Matt’s arm as he slipped out.

“The choices were pretty slim.” Matt supplied as he laid everything out. The team had before-trip plans and on-trip plans, but they also had managing-panic-attack plans and those included enough snacks to supply a small army for a winter.

“It’s fine.” She shifted her attention to her boss and tried to see how she was doing. “Just breathe.” She tried to soothe. “You’re safe here.” She could feel how the dress under her hand was now slightly damp with sweat. “Close your eyes and try to focus on your breathing.”

Daisy reappeared through the door, Blake right behind her. “Anything?”

Nadine shook her head. It was to be expected though, the Secretary often seemed to dissociate as the attack progressed, especially once medicine was on board. She stood. “I’m going to go change.” She slipped away to her own room, closing the door, and sinking onto the end of her bed with a heavy sigh. It was going to be a long, stressful night.

=MS=

By the time Nadine stepped back into the suite, she’d done some deep breathing of her own and changed into something comfortable, there was a high probability she would be sleeping in it. Once upon a time she would’ve been more horrified for her coworkers to see her so dressed down, but these days…

“How’s it going?” She whispered to Jay as she deposited a small bag and her phone on the table. She wasn’t sure what she’d be walking back in on tonight, the Secretary’s willingness to let any of them help her cope varied from time to time and though they could often predict with a small degree of accuracy who she’d be more comfortable with based on the trigger, tonight none of them had a clue what had started this. Matt was seated at one end of the sofa now with a pillow from the bedroom against his leg. The woman on their minds was stretched out the rest of the distance and Daisy was the one balanced carefully on the edge, her hand being clung to like it was a buoy.

“Still nothing.” She could hear the resignation. “She’s definitely preferring Daisy, neither Blake nor I can go over there without her freaking out all over again which is… A bit odd. Normally she remembers we aren’t going to hurt her. I guess I didn’t notice when I brought her up because she was already so far gone.”

“And Matt?”

“Same, really. But like they are now, she can’t see him and if he doesn’t talk it doesn’t seem to be a trigger. It’s as if the problem was the men physically, I don’t get it.”

“You’re thinking there’s something she noticed we missed.”

He shrugged. “Unless you have other ideas.”

She didn’t. Across the room, both Daisy and Matt leaned forward and Nadine realized the Secretary must’ve said something. A moment later, Daisy looked their way. “Do we have crackers or something?”

“Here.” Blake stood quickly from the chair he’d been occupying in the far corner, out of view of the couch. From a bag, he pulled out a familiar blue packet of what Nadine knew were plain cookies, bland enough to settle a stomach but with just enough hint of sweetness to make them pleasant to eat. It was another layer of the normal things-to-do travel process, making sure for every trip there were enough of the right foods on hand before each meeting or event and then the right things on hand for nights such as this.

“She needs out of that dress.” Nadine observed and then frowned before Daisy could even reply. “She doesn’t look in any condition for that, but it might help move past it.”

“She’ll be out cold within the next fifteen minutes.” Blake responded as he retook his seat.

“I think even sedated she’s not going to sleep well… But you’re right.” Jay frowned as well. “But I’m not sure if she’ll let us help her into the other room and I really don’t see her checking back in enough to walk there on her own.” She was reluctant to admit he was probably right. “Maybe she’ll let you or Daisy help? But it’d be like moving dead weight and I just don’t see the two of you managing that.”

The solution, in the end, was for the guys to step out while she and Daisy helped the Secretary change right there. They’d taken a chance on helping her to her room, but as predicted, she’d reacted strongly and negatively, even in the state she was in. Once the task was sufficiently done, it was Nadine who sat behind the pillow as the trio of guys took up sentry across the room. At odd intervals, she could just catch Blake and Jay whispering to one another with occasional input from Matt, no doubt comparing this evening to others.


	2. Chapter 2

A crick in her neck woke her harshly, tears forming of their own volition in her eyes from the pain. Blinking as she kept a groan from escaping, Nadine looked around the room. Everyone else was asleep, it was still the wee hours of the morning yet. Along the kitchenette counter were a row of phones, now all plugged in and Matt’s snacks were mixed in with things they’d brought beside them. Somewhere after she’d dozed off, the others had made pallets on the floor around the room, she could just make out who was who in the darkness, mostly by their unique sleep habits. She pondered a moment on how bizarre her life was that she even knew that about her coworkers. They traveled more than a third of the year and even when they’re office bound, a slow week for any of them cleared sixty hours. Herself and Daisy dozed in the office the least, but it still happened. When they’re on the road, not only were they all used to being seen sleeping, between planes and cars and everywhere else, sleeping against one another was commonplace.

Movement at her side made Nadine realize what must’ve woke her, the Secretary seemed to be caught in a distressing dream. Those happened and, on occasion, had the ability to set off a whole new panic attack triggered by the lingering effects of the first one plus her mind playing over and over whatever scene it’d offered that begun the process to begin with. She did her best to calm her, offering what she hoped was a comforting touch.

They all handled a lot knowing it still wasn’t what the Secretary really needed. The best way to get her settled and work out what had happened was to get her talking to Henry, but one rule they tried like hell to abide by was that _she_ , not they, had to instigate the idea to make the call. It was a tiny amount of autonomy and they had all discussed, back when it was all new to them, that it was the one thing they should only ever do in her stead of it were a true emergency.

So far, they’d never declared a situation a true emergency.

The lanky form to her left that she knew was Matt rolled onto its back and tossed an arm over its head. She knew from that that he was awake, probably staring at the ceiling as concern ran through his own mind.

“Can’t sleep?” She whispered, hoping not to startle him to much but his head popped up anyway.

“Hm? No, I did for a bit.” He rolled over and pushed up, closing the few feet between them before kneeling against the arm of the sofa, chin resting on his crossed arms. “You?”

“I dozed. This is a horrible couch for sleeping on, my neck is killing me.”

Without hesitating, he stood and stepped behind her, touching her neck gently. “Right or left?”

“Left. Both, but mostly the left.” His thumbs pressed in a long line into knotted muscles and she couldn’t help the groan that slipped out. She’d never say no to a neck or shoulder massage from Matt, he had a gift.

“Do not fall asleep again up here, you’ll be wrecked for days if you do.” His thumb landed on a particularly knotted spot and he rubbed it in a slow, circular motion. “We’re out of blankets and pillows, but you can take mine.”

“If I can’t sleep on this couch, you sure as hell have no business trying.”

Matt made a sound like a soft snort. “I won’t. Boy Scout, remember? A few hours on the carpet won’t kill me.”

“You do _not_ want to sleep directly on hotel carpet, Matt.”

There was amusement in his voice when he answered. “It’s not like it’s a seedy joint down by the docks. Five-star diplomatic lodging, I really doubt anything untoward ever happens in these rooms.”

Despite the pain, she twisted to look up at him in the dim moonlight, arching one brow but saying nothing.

Matt muttered something under his breath she couldn’t catch, and it was too dark to read his lips to make a guess, before resuming the massage and changing the subject, making her snicker. “So, where do you plan on going for vacation this year? Greece looks promising, we’re on speaking terms with them again.” He chuckled and she understood his point. Nothing was quite as frustrating, being a member of the Secretary of State’s personal staff, as traveling abroad and something happening between the country they were visiting and the US.

“It’s been so busy; I haven’t really thought about it.” Honestly, half the time she didn’t take any time at all. She opened her mouth to admit as much but a sharp pain shot up her neck right where he’d pressed, and she yelped instead.

“I’m sorry.” He pulled away, hands settling to her shoulders. “You okay?”

“Fine. I guess I’m more knotted up than I thought.”

“You need to lay down, Nadine. The Secretary will be fine and there are five of us right here if she’s not.” Despite his suggestion, his hands started on her shoulders and down along what he could access of the curve of her shoulder blades before finally pulling away. “I’ll do this in the morning, you need more than a thirty second massage.”

“Are you suggesting I’m tense?” She shuffled out from under the pillow and stood, refusing to groan at the way she hurt.

“I’m saying I going to make everyone give you gift cards come Christmas for massages so you have no excuse not to go regularly and you’ll at least be guilted into using them so our money won’t be wasted.”

She could totally see him doing just that. “Fine. Where are you planning to sleep then?”

=MS=

She was the last one awake hours later. As she stood, Nadine took in the room. The couch was now empty and the other four were quietly talking at the table. “Good morning.” She ran her fingers through her hair, making an attempt at combing it into something presentable before tying it back. “Everything okay?”

She didn’t miss Blake’s eyes cutting to the now closed bedroom door before he answered. “She woke up about twenty minutes ago, still a bit out of it honestly, but I have her on a video call with Doctor McCord now.”

“Good.” She reached for a chair, but Matt got to it first, turning it backward.

“Sit.”

“Matt…”

“No, sit Nadine. There is no way you’ll survive today and then flying home so knotted up.” He patted the back of the chair and waited for her to relent.

Nadine dropped her head forward as his hands worked into muscles through her shirt, listening as the conversation carried on.

“I was thinking of going down and seeing if I could find those guys this morning.” Jay repeated what he’d been saying when she’d gotten up for her benefit. “They looked more shocked than angry last night, so maybe they’ll be in a cooperative mood to answer what the hell happened.”

“I could go with you.” Daisy offered. “So far nothing has popped up anywhere about it getting out, and I doubt it will, but I’d like to know what they might say.”

“Thanks.”

“They did seem fine after you left.” Nadine spoke into the chair fabric. “Nothing stood out to me about anything spectacular or unique about them.” She made a noise when Matt hit a tender spot and she could hear the others chuckle.

“She’s off the call.” Blake stated.

“How do you know that?” Matt asked.

Nadine looked up in time to catch Blake tap his phone before elaborating. “Doctor McCord just texted me asking me to call him.”

“Go.” She instructed him. “Maybe he got out of her what happened.”

“We can hope.” He muttered.

Blake vanished into the hall just as the bedroom door opened and the Secretary hesitantly stepped out. “Morning guys.” Her voice was rough, and she looked a bit confused still. “I’m sorry you all felt you had to sleep in here on the floor.”

“Nowhere we’d rather be, Ma’am.” Matt answered first, rubbing one hand against Nadine’s back to communicate he was finished before pulling away. “I ordered breakfast already, it should be up in about ten minutes. We have tea and juice if you’re thirsty.”

“No coffee?”

Matt shook his head. “Ma’am…”

“Sorry. My head hurts, I just… the caffeine helps is all.” There was resignation and acceptance in her voice as she moved to the chair Blake had vacated.

Jay stood, turning to Nadine. “I’m going to go get cleaned up and handle what we were discussing.” He began to gather his things as Daisy followed. “I’ll check in later.”

“Of course.” She watched them both go before turning to her boss. “How are you really doing this morning?” She kept her voice soft, leaning forward to maintain some small impression of privacy as Matt moved away to clear space for the soon-to-arrive food.

“I’ve been trying to piece it all together.” She pressed a thumb against the corner of her brow. “I don’t remember most of last night. I remember… sitting with all of you for the dinner and then I think talking to someone. Then it’s…nothing.” She drew a breath. “Henry asked me to go step by step, but honestly, I can’t seem to remember anything.”

Nadine pressed her lips together a moment before reaching out, stopping her hand on the table just before she touched the Secretary’s arm. “Maybe if you tell me what you know, I can fill in what I know came next? Jay and I came over to help you so… We might be able to help you remember something.”

“Not… not right now?”

“Whenever you’re ready.” She pulled back as someone knocked on the door.

“That’s probably breakfast.” Matt commented as he moved to let them in, accepting the food and then seeing them out again. “Okay… I figured we could just do this buffet style. I have pancakes, bacon, turkey sausage, a couple kinds of eggs and some fruit.” He popped lids open as he spoke. With a plate in his hand, he turned to the table. “Ma’am?”

“I’m not really hungry.” The Secretary shook her head. Matt’s brows went up, but he didn’t say a word, he didn’t have to, they all knew that not eating wasn’t going to be a choice. She huffed. “Is there toast?”

“Of course.” He pulled two half slices out and dropped them on the plate. “Scrambled eggs and some fruit as well?”

“Sure.”

As he finished, Nadine moved to make herself a plate, thankful she didn’t have to go downstairs this early to get something.

=MS=

“Hey. Hey.” Nadine turned to see Jay jogging up to her, Daisy trailing several paces behind. “I found the two men from last night. They swear the conversation was totally boring. One of them had seen a picture of her with the kids and they were talking about balancing parenthood and the job. He said one minute it was fine and then next she was making no sense.”

Daisy finally caught up to them. “He served in the military himself, honestly his bigger concern was that the Secretary’s okay. He thinks pretty much everyone else believed whatever you told them, but he said he knew what was going on.”

“But if we don’t know what set her off, how do we stop it from happening again?”

All Nadine could do was shrug. “I have no idea.” She sighed. “We could try a controlled meeting and see if something sets her off again.”

“That’s…” Jay frowned. “Last I heard she was still barely recovered from last night. She’s on a hair trigger already.”

“And we know that this time. And… We’ll all be on hand. Whatever had her avoiding the three of you last night went away this morning, so she’s not completely in the same place she was before.”

“I think it’s a bad idea.”

“Until we know, we are right back to the early days where she goes nowhere unsupervised.”

He sagged at that. “Right. Because she was so okay with that the first time.” He looked around. “Where is she now?”

“Back on her pre-planned schedule. Blake’s with her now, I’m going to trade out with him between presentations… It is a bad idea, but I’m not sure we have a better one.”


End file.
